It was a Thursday afternoon, a normal day where things just didn’t go as you plan.
The morning traffic was longer than usual. I found myself stuck in the middle of the freeway when I was supposed to be at a meeting presenting. Work was the place making me feel like I wasn’t good enough to meet important peoples’ expectations. With no street parking available, I had to walk a few blocks away in pouring rain. My umbrella, usually in my car, wasn’t there after my husband had used it the night before.
Walking in the rain, shivering, my heavy wet pants clinging to my legs, I finally reached home. I didn’t feel like saying hi to anyone when I saw a messy living room cluttered with papers and toys. I head straight to kitchen leaving behind a trail of footprints from drenched socks. I just wanted a cup of hot water, something warm, and a break. The boiling sound of the teapot seemed to echo the chaos in my head.
Then, I heard it, “Wahhhhh.. Mom,” my little one rushed into the kitchen, holding her stuffed bunny, Toto, tears welling up in her eyes. She had been waiting for me to come home so she could tell me about her awful day.
‘Tick..’ teapot is clicked off. My mind felt the same. ‘Sigh….’
I went to the living room and grabbed a warm blanket. I wrapped the blanket around her to shield her from my soaked shirt. I hugged her tight and whispered, “It’s okay… Mom is here.” Her warmth against me, her heartbeat matching mine. “Mom, you’re cold. Get under the blanket. it’s warm.” She urged me to join her. Tears filled my eyes. “tsk”… Something inside me cracked that day. I wasn’t sure who I was comforting more—my young child or myself, feeling deeply lonely and lost.
When I hear a baby crying, I rush to comfort them. If someone’s in trouble, I’m there without a second thought. I don’t scold my little ones or blame them for feeling down after a hard day. I don’t shame anyone struggling with something they’re not good at. Instead, I take a moment and I offer a simple hug. But on that Thursday afternoon, as I made my way home, my mind was clouded with thoughts of my own failures, the uncertainty of the future, and the messes I’ve made. I was the meanest bully to myself.
I don’t need another reason for the emotions.
I need a hug.